With all the focus on boys following the Netflix series Adolescence, I wanted to take my time before writing about what I think our boys really need—because I wanted to really consider my response.

I’m a social worker, parent educator and a mum of four sons aged 8, 10, 13 and 15, so it’s fair to say I’ve got a bit of skin in the game—and raising good men is something I’m deeply passionate about.

One of the perhaps unintended consequences of the series and its subsequent discussion has been a lot of fear when it comes to raising boys. Almost like all parents feels if they turn their backs for a second their little boy could be capable of violent crime.

When we look at our boys from a place of fear, we misunderstand them, and often we approach them with harshness disguised as discipline.

The problem with this is our boys are not harsh, our boys are soft. They’re loving. When we don’t understand, we can’t connect.

Boys are wired for connection just as much as girls—but they are often...