Back to school feelings - Six tips to ease kids’ emotions as they go back into school.

Most kids in Australia are going back to school in just over a week.

The shift from the long Aussie summer holidays into the back-to-school routine can be tough for children and let’s be real here - their parents too!

Beyond adjusting to new routines, the transition back to school involves a mix of emotions. Some kids might feel excited about new teachers, subjects, and classmates, while others may experience anxiety, sadness or uncertainty about the upcoming school year.

This can be exacerbated if there is significant change happening like starting school for the first time, starting high school, or moving to a new school. In times of transition kids are more likely to have big feelings about seemingly small things because there is a lot to process.

Things can be harder when kids experience social struggles or anxiety, if they are neuro divergent, or if they find the environment of school overwhelming to the senses. The below helps with the return to school for all kids, however some kids will also need supports and accommodations put in place within the school to assist further and meet their needs.  

Some kids tell us every feeling they have, but others will need us to initiate a conversation to find out how they are feeling about going to school. When we talk about emotions that might be tricky in advance, kids’ brains get the chance to start to practice feeling their feelings within a safe environment. From there we can put some strategies in place that help with returning to the rhythm of school.

Think of they way an Olympic diver might prepare. They won’t just ‘wing it’. They will practice the dive, talk about the bits they aren’t confident with yet, build in strategies for nerves all to ensure their best performance on the day.

The same applies for big emotional events, all the mental and physical preparation works to lower the intensity of these emotions in the moment.  

Here are my top FIVE tips to assist kids and their parents with the return to school:

 1.  Do your emotional prep

The last weeks of January are the time to connect with your child and see what they are feeling about the return to school.

These chats are best done when feeling connected or while doing something together, walking side by side or even driving in the car to help your child open up. But, be careful not to overdo it. When we ask our kids over and over if they are excited? If they are nervous?  Or try to just tell them how ‘much fun they will have at school’, It can inadvertently add pressure or set them up for unrealistic expectations.

Try: Validating emotions before taking action

If kids are worried our instinct is to make it better or tell them everything will be fine, there can be such a relief in our kids knowing we hear them, and their feelings make sense.

 You might say: “I hear that you are worried, and a bit excited. It makes sense to have a mix of emotions and be excited and worried all at the same time. Even teachers and parents feel like this heading back to school and work.”

2. Put strategies in place

Once kids feel seen and heard, we can start to talk about ways to increase feelings of safety and connection.  

If your child is worried about the year ahead, or simply struggling with separation at the gate, they may need a few strategies in place to help when school goes back. This might be by practicing connection ritual for the first day, setting up a playdate to ease social fears before school starts, or talking to the school about what accommodations can be put in place to help.

Try: Social stories

Especially for young kids starting primary school, or kids who are worried or struggling with separation a social story about the start to school can be really helpful.

 3. Get routines in place

Let’s be real the juggle of paid work and a long January with kids on holidays can leave us all a bit out of whack. Screens get used, sugar consumed, bedtimes pushed out for evenings swimming or playing in the yard. As January ends it’s time to bring back bedtimes, create boundaries around screen use and get nutrition back on track.

If you are expecting kids to handle aspects of the routine themselves it’s good to practice it.  Trying on shoes and practicing laces all help their confidence and ensure they are comfortable in the first few weeks.

Try: Visuals  

Visuals in each child’s room with the things they need to do and remember each day can be helpful. For younger kids this might be photos of what aspects of uniform they need to put on to keep them on track. For older kids have a visual schedule on the wall of what they need on what days. This visual routine helps settle nerves and helps with morning chaos too.

4. Play feelings out

With every new year, there can be a bit to adjust to. New teachers, new classmates, new struggles in the playground and new academic challenges.

 It might be tempting to get out the educational apps to prepare a child for school, but evidence shows that working on emotional and social skills makes a much bigger impact on readiness to learn.

You can also use play with younger kids to help them articulate what’s scary or hard about going back to school. You can role play with toys or set up a game of schools and see what happens when you play.

While kids play, they can work on their ability to share, take turns, and practice winning and losing. Play is good for fine and gross motor skills too. Essential skills for navigating the classroom and the playground.

Try: allowing some frustration and struggle

Playing games where kids get an opportunity to miss out, or lose, with the emotional support and safe base of their parents give little kids a chance to practice navigating these ups and downs, and result child who is more resilient when small disappointments happen at school.  

5. Love bomb your kid

 When kids feel connected with us, they go better.

When kids are going through times of change or transition, they need to know we’ve got them.

When kids feel connected with us, their safe base they can step into the upcoming school year with just a bit more pep in the step knowing with confidence they are truly, unconditionally loved and worthy of love.

I like to imagine that even on the toughest of days, even when saying goodbye at the gate is hard, or the sensory environment of the classroom is so much to regulate though, knowing there is unconditional love to come home to makes the biggest difference of all.

Try: Letting your child know just how much you cherish them

Ask them if you can join them in their favourite game, brag about your child as if they can’t hear you when they are in the room, join them in a game of Mario Cart and hang around that little bit longer, ask them on a hot chocolate date, write them love notes, or just go in for a hug and hang in there till your child wriggles away. Small moments of delight fill up our kids’ emotional reserves and provide some immunity from the challenges of a tricky start.  

6. Believe in your child

The final step in assisting your child through big and small transitions is believing in them. A child struggling to go off to preschool or school happily, really is doing their absolute best and this too will pass. Part of believing in them is walking away and saying goodbye when the time is right with complete confidence.

It’s this belief in them that kids really pick up on. Kids can sense our confidence and, somehow, among their own feelings of doubt, this helps them to know that you (the centre of their world) know it will all be okay.

Try: letting them know although you know this is hard, you also know they've got this because you've seen them do hard things before. 

Sometimes our kids need us to believe in them when they can't. Sometimes they need us to remind them that we've seen them do hard things before and we know they've got what it takes. It's our belief in them that reassures them that even they they may be worried, know that they can do hard things. 

Connected Parenting founder Gen Muir is a parent educator, author, obstetric social worker and mother of four boys. She is passionate about helping families to connect and thrive amid the many challenges of modern parenting.

Gen has a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from UNSW and a Graduate Diploma in Grief and Bereavement Counselling. She is also a qualified Circle of Security and Tuning into Kids facilitator.

Her recent book, Big People, Little Feelings (2024), and her co-hosted podcast, Beyond the Chaos, provide valuable resources for those working with or raising children. 

Gen has appeared on Sunrise, The Today Show, The Morning Show, The Project, 2Day FM and ABC and is a spokesperson for LEGO DUPLO.